I like to think that wisdom comes with experience rather than age. I’ve been on this earth for 28 years now and my biggest moments of transformation have come from life-altering experiences. This past year I’ve been on a conscious and deliberate mission to live my best life. Along the way, I’ve made some unexpected and even unfavorable decisions. Either way, my newfound lifestyle grounded in zero fucks has allowed me to own my authentic self.
I’m no expert on the matter, but I have learned a lot thus far on my journey. I feel free, happier, and excited for what’s to come. My zest for life has pushed me to start this blog. I felt compelled to inspire women looking for ways to live their best life. Although there’s still much progress to be made, we live in an exciting time where women all over the world are taking the reins of their lives. We’ve been programmed to be docile creatures put on this earth to care for others. But what about us? What about our dreams? What about our passions? Upon reflecting on this past year, these are my tips to get you started on your journey to living your best life.
No means no
“Saying no can be the ultimate self-care” ~ Claudia Black
There’s only so many hours in the day so don’t waste your time doing things simply because you were too afraid to say no.
Ask yourself some gut-checking questions if you’re on the fence about when to say no.
Will it contribute to my happiness?
Will this propel me closer to my goals?
Who am I doing this for?
My people pleaser complex coupled with intense FOMO used to make this an impossible task. Once I started to ask myself those questions, however, the answer was always blatantly clear. Don’t feel like you need to explain yourself either; I used to equally stress about what my ‘excuse’ would be. Now I reject plans like it’s nothing. It’s freeing, to be honest. “Sorry, I just really want some time to myself, so imma opt out.” #sorrynotsorry
Treat yo self
“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.” ~ Andrew Matthews
Why should we wait for others to shower us with gifts? Stop waiting for others to treat you and start treating yo self. Live your best life girl!
Once a week focus on you and your needs. Consider it a date night with yourself. Craving a night of the Bachelor, wine, and cheesecake- treat yo self. Been eyeing a killer new addition to your purse collection- treat yo self. Spoil yourself with things that add quality and beauty to your life! Own that shit, don’t ever be ashamed of it either!
There’s something so liberating about treating yourself. I wanted beats, so I bought them. I wanted a new hairdo so I treated myself to a posh salon on Newbury. Life is short, don’t be afraid to experience those moments of pure bliss… all thanks to you!
Let go and move on
“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” ~Dr. Wayne W Dyer
Holding on to baggage and hurt feelings is detrimental to you living your best life! Those dark crevices of resentment and anger make it difficult for positivity to grow.
Let that shit go! Had a terrible breakup? Forgive him and move on. Made a terrible mistake at work? Take note of your wrongdoing but forgive yourself, no one bats a thousand honey. Pissed off at your last tinder date for not texting you back? Fuck em, don’t cry over spilled milk.
I used to punish myself over the smallest mistakes. My self-imposed guilt was killing my vibe. By doing so, i made it impossible to live in the present moment which is crucial to living your best life. Instead of letting it fester or sweeping it under the rug (which is just as bad), I force myself to deal with it head on. Give yourself a moment to reflect and release. Take in the learnings, forgive yourself, and move on.
Shut up your inner negative nancy
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” ~Suzy Kassem
Your thoughts and words are more powerful than you think. It’s the law of attraction; you attract what you put out in the world- even when it’s internal. Switch those negative thoughts for positive ones so you can start to manifest true happiness.
Often we’re harsher on ourselves than we are with friends. If you wouldn’t say those words to a friend going through the same situation why would you say it to yourself? You would never say to a friend preparing for a job interview- “Eh, I don’t think you have what it takes.”
My negative voice seems to be the loudest during the moments of big change. When I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone that negative voice finds its way into my consciousness and makes me question myself. Do you have what it takes? That voice is born from a place a fear. I refuse to let the fear of rejection or self-doubt prohibit me from living my best life. I choose a life of calculated risks over comfort any day. Those risks and uncomfortable moments are the best fertilizer for true growth.
Put yourself first
“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier” ~ Diane Von Furstenberg
It’s so easy to get caught up in societal expectations, family pressures, or daily obligations. As women, we’ve been programmed to put other’s needs in front of our own. Mother’s feel guilty for making their career a priority. We are taught to be a man’s rock to help him reach his true potential. Self-care is often viewed as selfish. I’m all for being a giver but not at the cost of you and your needs. Make sure you’re living for you.
Make time for you but also be your own best friend. Check in regularly with yourself like you would with your bestie. How are you feeling? What do you want out of life? What’s missing from your life?
Before making any decision, big or small, I check in with myself. What do I want? I’m in the phase of my life when it seems like everyone’s getting married. I have no issues with marriage, but I feel as though many take the leap out of comfort or obligation. It’s more of a need than a want. Close your eyes and picture your version of a perfect life. Create your norms. Don’t get married if you don’t want it. Don’t have kids because you feel like you have to. Don’t take that corporate job if it makes you miserable. Check yourself before you wreck yourself and your future… for real!
Ladies this is our time. Welcome to the era of powerful, unapologetic women living their best lives. Take these tips and start living the life you want. It won’t always be easy, but I promise it will be worth it.